women are from mars men are from somewhere confusing...

I have come to the conclusion that women are not more comlicated than men. Not by a long shot, or I'm living in opposite world. So yesterday I took Jake out for his birthday (that was my excuse but it was really because since I was grounded form prom I might as well have fun) and the whole time, like always there was that tension. The thing is we have so much fun together, I just laugh no matter what we're doing and have fun. So we watched Star trek and I have to admit that it was actually really good, much better than I expected. At first I was doubtful but it was a watch. So at the end we're at my house and I'm tickling him and acting like a 5 year old like I do when I'm tired. Then he grabbed both my hands and pulled my arms around him and it was nice then we started kissing and fooling around in the car and he asked if I wanted to go somewhere but I told him I had to go home. While we were kissing I said it was a bad idea and he said he thought so too but didn't care. And this keeps happening we pretend like we're not attracted for 90% of the time we're together and then at the end make out.

So today I talked to him and told him that and he said we shouldn't do that any more and I told him I didn't care, he didn't really believe me but I told him the truth because either way we will stay friends because its what the both of us really want so I don't care what happens even if I end up sleeping with him it won't matter. The thing that bothers me is that I know he wants me but he is just so confused. I guess I stopped caring and satrted being ok with what ever happens because I'm confused too but he's so worried and acting like a little girl. When I told him it didn't matter because we'd always be friends, which I hope we will because he is a good person who makes me laugh and cares about me, he said you don't do this with your other friends do you and once again I told him the truth ( which second gusses because he thinks all girls don't say what they mean) we are friends with issues.

HMMM..... this is my to do list because I can't figure out what else to write about, stress is a killer especially for me. So today: bake sale for debate and french cooking. Wednesday: once again bake sale and I think that's it, nope my history reviews are due and I have to find my packet. Thursday: my first AP test (english) which is the one I think I think I'll do best at there is also the last day of the bake sale. Friday: AP history test and I'm little nervous and I also have to figure out what I'm going to do with Jake, what time and stuff like that. Saturday: SLEEP!!!! Sunday:is mother's day.

Then there are the dreams that keep me awake and don't go away. OMG I have way too much to do. I need some sleep and some fun and less stress.

When is the year over again? But at least I'm going to NYC soon.

Mandarin apples and oranges

so I've been thinking about next year and I've decided to take 3 foreign language classes, spanish, french and mandarin chinese. I wasn't sure at first wether to do chinese or not because it isn't a "useful" language but maybe it is because China is the newest emerging world power and everything so as an International Relations and Political Theory major maybe Chinese is a very useful language. but I have to step away form my own mental argument and look at my reasons for actually taking Chinese. Is it because of Jake, because he asked me to, or because I thought the idea was good. I just don' remember anymore I've been arguing for so long with myself about everything, especially Jake. But I'm taking Chinese and so I'm going to stop arguing and just trust my instincts because I guess I have no other choice. Hmmmm. I wonder, but I don't have to wonder I'll just do and see how that works for me, hopefully well...